venting

all talk no action. at this rate, i'm going to be bald by the time i'm 21....pathetic i know. i don't understand how such a young person can be so stressed out. what was i thinking wanting to grow up so fast? now, here i am 5 months shy of 20 years old, and to the point of no return. i person can only go so far before they break, and as sad as it is to say...i'm at the bottom just patiently waiting to crack. who does that? who just sits back and watches as they fall to pieces and does nothing to save themself? Someone who has no respect for who they are. It's sad, but true. i never thought i'd be this person that i've turned out to be....and i sit and i think, yeah i know how i could change it...i know i need to go to school, one step at a time right? then how come i can't do it...how come i can't just get to that step? it all seems too hard. i never expected things to just fall together for me, or to not have to work for what i want....so why am i just sitting around like my life is on pause? this is real life...time isn't going to stop for me to sit back and do nothing with my life. as much as i wish, there is no pause button....you can only go forward. I KNOW THIS! i know everything i'm doing wrong, and i know what i should do to change everything to make me happier and a better person...so why am i sitting back doing nothing? why can't i get my lazy ass up and make something of myself like i always talked about doing...i had so many goals. in a way its good to live day by day....but not anymore. i need a plan....for the sake of my future, and my well-being. i need guidence. i need help. i am not me anymore. i need a vacation...time away to clear my head, and be happy again. i'm so lost with life anymore. i have turned into a low-life pathetic excuse of a human, who cares about no one, not even herself...how sad right? what have i become...